Play the Songs
- Christmas Time Is Nunsense Time
- Santa's Little Teapot
- Twelve Days Prior To Christmas
- The Christmas Box
- Santa Ain't Comin' To Our House
- A Carnival Christmas
- Three Hundred Sixty-Four Days
- Jesus Was Born In Brooklyn
- In The Convent
- The Three Kings
- All I Want For Christmas
- A Christmas Carol
- It's Better To Give
- Christmas Time Is Nunsense Time (Reprise)
The Nunsense Christmas Musical, NUNCRACKERS, is presented as the first TV special taped in the Cable Access Studio built by Reverend Mother in the convent basement.
It stars the nuns you love, plus Father Virgil, and four of Mount Saint Helen’s most talented students.
Featuring all new songs including Twelve Days Prior to Christmas, Santa Ain’t Comin’ to Our House, We Three Kings of Orient Are Us and It’s Better to Give than to Receive, this show is filled with typical NUNSENSE humor, some of your favorite carols, and a “Secret Santa” audience participation. We’re certain this NUNSENSE Christmas Show will make you laugh, and maybe tug at your heartstrings. It’s the perfect way to insure that your holiday season is merry and bright!
Music samples courtesy of DRG Records, Dan Goggin and Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
Video Sampler of Nuncrackers
- Rehearsal Materials
- Cast List
- Brief History
The Nunsense Christmas Musical, NUNCRACKERS, takes place in real time in the basement of Mount Saint Helen’s Convent. It is the first TV Special being taped in the Cable Access TV Studio built by Reverend Mother with part of the prize money won earlier by Sister Mary Paul (aka Amnesia). A live camera with two television monitors is used to create an actual TV Studio feeling for the audience.
The cast consists of Reverend Mother Regina, Sister Mary Hubert, Sister Robert Anne, Sister Mary Paul (Amnesia) and Father Virgil Manly Trott (Sister Leo’s brother). In addition there are two young boys and two young girls (Mount Saint Helen’s students).
The show is the annual Christmas program put on at Mount Saint Helen’s. Opening with the rousing Christmas Time Is Nunsense Time, we are introduced to the cast and are given a brief update of what’s been happening in the past with everyone. We soon discover that we are to be treated to an original ballet based on the “Nutcracker” featuring Sister Mary Leo as the Sugar Plum Fairy. Unfortunately before Sister Leo makes her grand entrance she is hit in the shin by one of the children’s batons. What to do? The show will have to proceed without the ballet until Reverend Mother can figure out how to salvage it. Sr. Amnesia holds a “Secret Santa” drawing to fill the time while Sr. Leo is being taken care of. Amusing items are given to audience members whose seat numbers are drawn as everyone joins in singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. The students present their version of I’m Santa’s Little Teapot, after which Sister Mary Annette makes a surprise appearance singing the Twelve Days Prior to Christmas.
As if there isn’t already enough to deal with, word comes that the gifts under the convent Christmas tree have been stolen. Reverend Mother goes to investigate, leaving Father Virgil to entertain the audience with a touching ballad he wrote for his sister (Sister Mary Leo) called The Christmas Box. He then introduces Sister Amnesia who sings her latest country hit, Santa Ain’t Comin’ to Our House. Reverend Mother tells tales of her years in the circus remembering one winter storm when they were trapped in a hotel with Sophie Tucker. This is followed by Reverend Mother’s song An Old Time Carnival Christmas. Meanwhile, the cook, Sister Julia, Child of God, who was supposed to appear, doesn’t show up and so Father Virgil is forced to impersonate her demonstrating some Christmas cooking including instructions on making a fruitcake…the gift that lasts a lifetime. However, there seems to be an abundance of rum in the recipe leaving Father Virgil quite soused. Reverend Mother thinks she has a solution to the ballet problem (not realizing that Father Virgil has come upon the same solution) and the ballet goes forward. It is then we realize both Father Virgil and Reverend Mother appear as Sugar Plum Fairies and the first act ends with the “dueling” Sugar Plum Fairies in a hilarious ballet spoof.
After visiting with the audience the cast takes their places as the “camera rolls” and Act Two begins with Three Hundred and Sixty-Four Days, a song about last minute shopping woes. This is followed by the “Living Nativity Scene” featuring the students and Sister Robert Anne singing a beautiful ballad, Jesus Was Born in Brooklyn as she recalls the time her father returned home on Christmas Eve. The popular carol, O Come All Ye Faithful is woven throughout the song. Behind the scenes the Sisters are trying to find out what happened to all the missing gifts. But on stage the program proceeds. Sister Mary Hubert and Reverend Mother sing a duet, In the Convent (It’s a Wonderful, Nun-derful Life). The Saint Andrews Sisters, of Hoboken present We Three Kings of Orient Are Us! This is followed by Mother Superior’s introduction of the “Catholic Home Shopping Service” in which she offers some very unusual items for Christmas. When Reverend Mother is summoned upstairs to talk to the police about the stolen presents, Sister Robert Anne sings her ‘big number’ All I Want for Christmas. There is a “sing-along” based on the titles of 25 popular Christmas carols that everyone knows. As the evening moves toward the finale we discover that the gifts in the convent weren’t stolen at all…Sister Mary Amnesia had given them to a poor family. Realizing how selfish they had been, Sister Hubert leads a hand-clapping, foot-stomping, gospel song entitled It’s Better to Give Than to Receive.
The show includes some traditional carols in the overture and as underscoring, plus some Christmas Carol spoofs including Here We Come-a-Waffle-ing and The Holly and the Ivory.
Of course, the show is filled with the traditional “Nunsense-sense of humor” and one-liners that have made the three previous NUNSENSE shows so popular.
Book, Music and Lyrics by Dan Goggin
1 Keyboard Synthesizer (Lower keyboard – Bass, Upper keyboard – Color Registrations)
1 Violin (one solo violin and optional auxiliary percussion: Bongo Drums & Tambourine ring)
Bells, Crotales, Chimes, Xylophone, Grandfather Clock Chimes,
Trap Drum Set -
Tom Toms (mounted & floor)
Cymbals (Splash, Crash, Ride & Hi-Hat)
Piano-Conductor’s Score sent with rehearsal material
1 Piano Conductor’s Score
1 Prompt Book
12 Prompt Books for Dialogue Parts
1 Original Cast CD
10 Chorus-Vocal Parts
10 Chorus-Vocal Parts for Optional Cast
(5 female; 1 male)
Sister Mary Regina — Reverend Mother
Sister Mary Hubert
Sister Robert Anne — also voice of the puppet nun, Sister Mary Annette
Sister Mary Paul — also known as Amnesia
Sister Mary Leo — optional role
Father Virgil Manly Trott
The original production had a cast of 9 performers.
NUNCRACKERS is the fourth show in Dan Goggin’s series of NUNSENSE musicals.
Find upcoming performances near you.
Organization City, State First Performance Last Performance EmilyAnn Theatre WIMBERLY, TX 11/06/2014 11/23/2014 Newtowne Players LEXINGTON PARK, MD 11/07/2014 11/23/2014 Knoxville Area Community Theatre KNOXVILLE, IA 11/14/2014 11/23/2014 St. Stephen's Church 11/14/2014 12/06/2014 Star Theater RUSSELL SPRINGS, KY 11/14/2014 11/23/2014 The Legacy Theatre TYRONE, GA 11/21/2014 12/14/2014 Stage West Community Playhouse SPRING HILL, FL 12/04/2014 12/14/2014 Aaaah Z SAN JOSE, CA 12/05/2014 12/20/2014 The Front Porch Players STOCKBRIDGE, GA 12/05/2014 12/14/2014 Pritchard Laughlin Civic Center CAMBRIDGE, OH 12/11/2014 12/14/2014 Phoenix Theatre RED WING, MN 12/11/2014 12/14/2014 Royal Arts Council VERSAILLES, MO 12/12/2014 12/13/2014 Robidoux Resident Theatre ST. JOSEPH, MO 07/17/2015 07/19/2015 Salem Community Theatre SALEM, OH 07/31/2015 08/16/2015 Old Creamery Theatre Company AMANA, IA 11/09/2015 12/20/2015